We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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