to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
