They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
