I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
