please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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