yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
