The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
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so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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