he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
