Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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