Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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