Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
