Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
