3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
