Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
