Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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