I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
