You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
