I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What a dumb baby whore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
