Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
