i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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