Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
