Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
