take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
