Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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