it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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