I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
