Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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