chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
