Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
