I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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