I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
