recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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