I want to stick my p in your. b.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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