I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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