Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
