FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
