I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
