Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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