i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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