I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
