if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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