chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
