I hate all girls vehemently.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please