I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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