ADVERTISEMENT

• (949): View more from California

  she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

  (949): View more from California

  little did she know i was taping her the whole time.

  Fav 53 9990 2916

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.

  Fav 6 2648 921

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (239): View more from Florida

  im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.

  Fav 12 2243 1280

  share tweet
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night

  Fav 4 2416 893

  share tweet
  

• (209): View more from California

  Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.

  Fav 8 2577 891

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."

  (323): View more from California

  If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.

  Fav 8 3232 1085

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (337): View more from Louisiana

  He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.

  Fav 3 1154 718

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals

  Fav 1 1003 551

  share tweet
  

• (419): View more from Ohio

  Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...

  Fav 3 598 1192

  share tweet
  

• (941): View more from Florida

  Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.

  Fav 2 417 213

  share tweet
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.

  Fav 3 417 186

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.

  Fav 1 244 119

  share tweet
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone

  Fav 0 8 28

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You literally made that 4 hours ago...

  Fav 0 74 17

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1

  Fav 0 76 12

  share tweet
  

Randomize