im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize