I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
