mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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