I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
