So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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