At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
