i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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