the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
