I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
