Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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