Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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