so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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