my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this will be a night to untag.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
