I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
