evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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